“I am in charge”: Breast Cancer Survivor Refuses to Let Illness Define her
Maya Angelou once wrote “We all delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty”.
These are words 65-year-old Susana Ellis holds close to her heart as she reflects on her journey with breast cancer.
Susana was 52 years old when she was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. The news was a particularly nasty shock as she ate healthily, exercised regularly, and had no history of cancer in her biological family.
What made it worse was that she had lost loved ones to cancer, and that her husband had been diagnosed with prostate cancer just five months prior.
Grappling with Losing her Identity
“It took me a lot of courage to accept the truth,” Susana admits. Not only was she worried about her survival, she was also afraid of losing her breast.
“For many women, our breasts are part of our identity,” she explains. “If I go through chemotherapy, I know my hair will grow back, but if I have a mastectomy, the breast will not!”
Nonetheless, she refused to be cowed. “I told myself that I have to bounce back, I cannot indulge in self-pity.”
Over six months, Susana underwent 18 rounds of chemotherapy. This shrank the tumour, which was over 8cm large, to the size of a 10-cent coin. The doctor gave her the choice between removing just the tumour, or having a full mastectomy.
It was a tough decision to make, but ultimately, Susana chose not to take the risk of the cancer recurring. “If I have to choose between beauty and survival, I choose survival,” she declares. “I must survive, if not for me, then for my loved ones.”
Taking Control of Her Circumstances
Throughout her treatment, Susana stood by her convictions: “I have to fight and take control of cancer, instead of letting cancer take control of me.”
Each chemotherapy session, she dressed up, applied makeup and even painted her nails. When her hair started to fall out, she bought a wig. These steps may seem trivial to some, but it was important to her, she says, because “when you look good, you feel better”.
Despite how tired or weak she felt after treatment, Susana would allow herself only a few days before getting back to her daily walks. For her, this was a declaration to the universe—a way of asserting that she was in control and that her illness would not rob her of joy any longer.
Helping Other Women Look Good and Feel Better
It has been 13 years since Susana fought and won against cancer. Now, she’s determined to do her part and support others walking the same tough road.
As a former makeup artist with the The Estée Lauder Companies, she is putting her skills to good use volunteering at the Singapore Cancer Society’s Look Good Feel better programme, a workshop which helps breast cancer patients build self-esteem through beauty tips and techniques.
“When I do makeup for the women, I can see the smile on their faces. They say ‘I didn’t know I look so nice with makeup’ and it brings me so much joy,” Susana shares.
Looking back, she says: “My journey with cancer has taught me to appreciate life to the fullest and to be grateful for the things I have.”
“I thank God for giving me the courage to come out and share. I am happy I survived, and I want to encourage every cancer patient out there that they can do the same. Together, we can battle cancer!”