A Healing Journey: Finding Peace Beyond Terminal Illness

Winnie was 43 years old when the doctors told her that she only had about a year to live.

That was in 2022. Speaking with her over a Zoom call today, she shares that the diagnosis that her condition is terminal has not changed. But despite the uncertainty that lies ahead, she is at peace.

To cope, she steers clear from becoming “too obsessed” with the days she has left. Instead, she focuses on the small but meaningful pleasures in life, such as her dream of writing and leaving behind a legacy that can help uplift others.

“I’ve come to terms with my mortality,” she says simply. “I just want to do what I enjoy and fulfil my last wishes. Then when it’s time for me to go, I’ll go.”

Sucked Into the Abyss

Reaching this state of acceptance was difficult. “It felt like I was being sucked into an abyss,” she recalls of the moment when the doctor broke the news to her.

It hit her particularly hard because it was the second time her cancer had relapsed. When she was first diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer in 2016, she had to undergo chemotherapy and an operation to remove both the tumour and the lymph nodes in her armpit. The first relapse saw her undergo another surgery and even add radiotherapy.

“I thought I had done everything I could in terms of medical treatment,” she says. “It was devastating.”

Struggling with a lack of family support

Winnie’s journey was made even more painful by the lack of support from her biological family.

“A lot of people expect that cancer patients should receive care and concern from their family members, but unfortunately, family support is a blessing and not a given,” she wistfully states.

Her illness made it difficult for her to work, and as her income declined, she was unable to provide her parents with their expected monthly allowance. Conflicts over money caused her relationship with her father to deteriorate significantly. One argument escalated so much that he even repeatedly told her to “go to hell”.

“It was heartless to say that to a terminal cancer patient, let alone your own daughter,” she says.

Finding a Safe Place to Share

In these dark moments, Winnie sought solace from the hospice services of the Singapore Cancer Society (SCS).

Through SCS, she met her counsellor, Amanda, who helped her find financial support for her treatment and gave her space to share her fears and frustrations. With Amanda’s encouragement, she also began art therapy with another specialised counsellor named Kyl.

“I'm immensely grateful to Amanda, her supervisor KK, as well as Kyl. They made me realise that I had suppressed my feelings all these years and guided me through the emotional challenges,” Winnie says.

Slowly but surely, Winnie’s heartache began to heal.

To preserve her sanity, she chose to distance herself from her father, even taking the symbolic step of changing her name. She has also joined a support group comprising "warrior sisters" who are battling terminal breast cancer just like her.

“Joining a support group offers you another pillar of strength as you know there are others out there going through the same journey and you can draw inspiration from their resilience," she explains.

Doing Away with Toxic Positivity

Reflecting on the journey she has taken, Winnie muses that she has heard people encourage her to be strong and positive one too many times. “While I appreciate their kind intentions, that's one of the worst messages anyone can send,” she states.

She adds, “If we find ourselves down in the dumps, we shouldn’t just force ourselves to snap out of it and put on a strong and positive front.”

“Negative emotions can be a good reminder of hidden trauma or ignored emotional wounds that might have contributed to physical ailments.

“If we can take the opportunity to work through why we feel this way, we will emerge from the introspection process feeling more wholesome, emotionally fulfilled and at peace with ourselves.”

To Winnie, this shift in perspective is what has given her the strength to keep fighting each day.

Her parting words to others battling cancer? “Never forget self-care and self-love. Always value yourself and put yourself first. Don't be afraid to acknowledge and express your vulnerability. Vulnerability doesn't make you weak; it just makes you human."