"Till their last goodbyes”: Caring for two loved ones with terminal cancer

It didn’t matter that Madam Haslina worked as a nurse. Nothing had prepared her for the reality of caring for her father and paternal grandmother, both of whom were diagnosed with advanced cancer just a month apart. 

Her father declined treatment, while her grandmother was too old to undergo surgery. The inevitable would come within a few months. All Madam Haslina could do was to ensure her elders were as comfortable as possible. 

To compound matters, Madam Haslina’s mother had survived a stroke which robbed her of her vision. This duty of care thus fell squarely on Madam Haslina’s shoulders even though she was working and raising three children as a single mother. But when her father asked his mother to come stay with them, Madam Haslina could hardly say no. 

Her three-room flat thus became a home for her father, mother, grandmother, herself and her young children. 

Caring for three seniors under one roof 

Madam Haslina’s days started at 4am. Before the sun rose, she would shower and change her father and grandmother’s diapers and prepare food for the entire household. 

Her brother took over the care when she was at work. She picked off when she came home, recording her elders’ vital signs, taking turns to chat with them, and making sure they were looked after until the wee hours of the day. 

Gruelling as the labour was, the most gut-wrenching part was seeing her elders suffer from pain and restless nights. It was seeing her children frightened and lost when her grandmother had fits. And it was watching helplessly as the gulf between her and her children widened as she became busier with each passing day.  

"No Regrets"

But there was also beauty in this adversity. She saw it in how her parents and grandmother took turns soothing each other’s pain, in how her son learnt to manage his grandmother’s fits, and in the pride she felt watching him take charge the next time. Through these trials, three generations found strength in their unity, leaning on each other for support. 

In August 2020, Madam Haslina’s grandmother passed away. Just eight days later, her father joined her as well. 

This chapter of Madam Haslina’s journey as a caregiver thus came to its bittersweet conclusion. For her tenacity and devotion, she was recognised with the Singhealth Inspirational Caregiver Award in 2021. But perhaps the greatest reward is the peace and closure she feels when reflecting on this life’s chapter. As Madam Haslina says: “I did the best I could… and I have no regrets. I had been by their side up to our last goodbyes.” 

Facing her own battle 

Just when it seemed that Madam Haslina could take a moment for itself, fate had something else in store for her.  

In 2023, she discovered that she, too, has cancer. Now, she finds herself undergoing treatment for Stage 2 liver cancer, as well as supporting her mother who has had a relapse of breast cancer after 30 years. 

The diagnosis brought with it feelings of shock and sadness. She is currently on cytotoxic medicines that result in frequent nausea, weakness, and robs her of her appetite. 

Yet, Madam Haslina’s story is far from over. Despite setback after setback, she remains relentlessly upbeat. With the support from her family, bosses and friends, she knows she’s not facing cancer alone.

In addition, her caregiving journey has gifted her a resilience many aspire to. Madam Haslina recalls her late father’s words during the family’s most challenging moments: “I remember my dad used to tell me to keep smiling even though we are at our lowest condition. Because a smile can do wonders. And honestly, it does.”