An incurable diagnosis changed him: “I started living again.”
“Your cancer is incurable.”
Remarkably, these words from his doctor were exactly what Mike Rollings needed to hear.
Prior to this, the chemical engineering consultant had been diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2013. He underwent surgery to remove his prostate and followed this with 33 sessions of radiotherapy. He thought he must have surely done all that was necessary.
Yet, he continued to see rising PSA levels, a marker used to track the effectiveness of prostate cancer treatments.
Thereafter, he learnt that his cancer was advanced and beyond cure, and all that could be done was to work on containing it. Surprisingly, this was the transition point that set him free.
“I started living again,” he said simply. “I stopped chasing the dream of a cure.” I thought: ‘This is it. Get on with it.’ Since then, I’ve been getting on with living and helping others do the same where I can!”
An Accidental Discovery
Mike turns 75 this year. One might assume, therefore, he has been “getting on” just fine.
He explains that mindset matters when it comes to coping with cancer. Mike has reframed his situation to a simple belief: “I’m not dying from cancer. I am living with cancer.”
A Singapore permanent resident who is originally from Australia, Mike may not have discovered his cancer if not for a few chance words exchanged with the GP.
When accompanying his wife to the clinic for her test results, the GP casually asked Mike how he was. He said he was fine but mentioned that he often had a slow start to urination at night. That was probably “normal,” he suggested.
The GP disagreed and took a blood sample on the spot. When the results came back, they were concerning enough for Mike to see a urologist for further tests and a biopsy. “Lo and behold, prostate cancer,” he recounts wryly. “I was stunned, and my first reaction was to ask how long I had to live.”
The doctor assured him that he could look forward to years rather than months. But as Mike went deeper and deeper into his treatments, the window of hope for a cure dwindled. Today, Mike has long since accepted his situation and likes to focus on living life to the fullest.
Of course, it wasn’t always smooth sailing. One of the unfortunate side effects that prostate cancer patients experience after their surgical treatment is urinary incontinence. Mike was no exception and this inconvenience seemed to rule his daily life for quite a while. Having to wear incontinence pads and change them every few hours, or risk an embarrassing leak in public, was a stressful time for him. Travel was a nightmare!
Constantly searching for nearby restrooms and frequently checking when he last changed his pad became part of his daily routine. He had to carefully plan his activities for the day, to avoid embarrassment. Fortunately, incontinence is no longer a problem, and his lifestyle is more relaxed.
Ever optimistic, Mike says these experiences help him understand those who are going through the same things. “I’m able to help by sharing my experience of treatments and their side effects with other prostate cancer survivors, in the hope that it helps them as much as sharing has helped me.”
In the Trenches Together
Mike likens cancer to “going to war.”
“You hear about men in the trenches who wouldn’t necessarily become friends in normal times. Yet, they might form lifelong bonds having been at war together, in the same predicament, helping each other survive.”
This is no different from surviving with cancer. “Only people with cancer know really what it’s like to live with cancer. Other people may sympathise, but cancer patients truly understand,” he stresses. “It forms a bond that’s different from other relationships.”
One of Mike’s best decisions was to join the Walnut Warriors, a prostate cancer support group under the Singapore Cancer Society (SCS). During his first meeting, he walked in expecting to find a room full of cancer survivors, with doctors and nurses handing out information. Instead, he found several men sharing their experiences together.
Yet this intimate gathering left quite an impression. Mike enjoyed the sharing and the down-to-earth nature of his fellow cancer warriors and resolved to become a strong member of the support group.
That was almost nine years ago in 2015. Since then, the Walnut Warriors has grown from strength to strength. Mike became an active volunteer with SCS, serving as the vice-chair and later as the chair of the prostate cancer support group committee for a total of seven years. He has also been a patient ambassador with SCS for several years, befriending and supporting other prostate cancer patients.
He remembers the difficulties he felt early on, finding support for his own situation. This memory drives Mike to help others find a supportive environment. He estimates that only a small percentage of prostate cancer survivors in Singapore know about SCS and join its support group activities.
“There are lots of men out there with advanced cancer coping however they can, and often giving up on life,” he emphasises. “The Walnut Warriors await those who wish to join and share!”
Parting Words
When asked about the most transformative moment in his cancer journey, Mike goes back to the moment he learnt his cancer was incurable.
It marked his transition from ‘constantly hoping for a cure’ to ‘living with cancer.’ There’s a certain level of pragmatism when he speaks about taking the disease in his stride.
“You can give up or get on with it. You may have to adapt your lifestyle to suit. Perhaps you can’t do everything you used to, but there’s plenty of things you can still do,” he says briskly.
When asked about his message to other cancer patients, Mike sums it up beautifully: “Cancer may kill me, but I don’t have to stop living.”