Out of Sorrow and into the Light
Karyn Wong frequently talks about her cancer journey in terms of light and dark.
To her, being immersed in one’s cancer diagnosis can feel “pitch black.” It is easy to fall into sadness and not see anything else.
One needs to make an intentional effort to notice the glimmers of light around them. To realise that the situation, while less than ideal, is far from the end of the world.
And with this hope, she says, it is possible to pull yourself out of the darkness.
Living with Advanced Cancer
In 2019, Karyn was feeling good about life. Her lung cancer, which had been diagnosed two years ago, seemed under control. Her doctors were optimistic and she was feeling much better than she had in a while. She was working as a purchaser, a job she loved, even if it could get a little hectic.
Thankful for this new lease of life, the former workaholic jokingly resolved to “chiong” less (Singlish for going all out at work). Her cancer scare had taught her about priorities. Health was her main goal now, together with spending time with her spouse and two children.
And then, the unthinkable happened. One day without warning, she collapsed and fell unconscious.
She awoke to devastating news. Unbeknownst to her, the cancer had spread to her brain, resulting in two tumours.
It was a blow but Karyn kept her chin up. In her own distinctive words, she declared: “I have no time to ‘willow and wallow’ in this situation!”
Family kept Karyn going. While she didn’t know how much time she had left, all she knew was that she needed to live it to the fullest.
Stepping into the Light
Karyn talks a lot about focusing her energies on things besides cancer. It’s how she avoids dwelling in self-pity. “That won’t help me,” she says briskly.
To keep herself occupied, she signed up for a number of activities offered by the Singapore Cancer Society (SCS) including its L.I.G.H.T. Groupwork programme. “I knew nuts about it,” she admitted. “It was out of curiosity and to keep myself focused.”
L.I.G.H.T. turned out to be a game-changer. It was a small group of advanced stage cancer patients who met regularly in a safe space to share their stories. It opened Karyn’s eyes to the fact that she wasn’t alone. “I also learnt important things like self-care and self-love,” she recounted.
The difference between participants in the first and last session was like night and day. By the end, Karyn said, everyone appeared lighter and more hopeful. “It’s like [emerging from] a cocoon. You bloom. It’s a new self.”
The programme was so inspiring that once it ended, she immediately signed up as a volunteer for subsequent sessions. In between administrative and logistical tasks, Karyn shares her cancer journey with those who attend. This can be a deeply moving and cathartic process for everyone.
“The first thing [participants] do is to share their stories. If you’re not strong enough, you can end up crying with them. It’s heart-wrenching,” Karyn says. “And then when it’s time for me to share my journey, I realise, ‘I have been there before.’”
Karyn notes that listening to other cancer patients’ stories – some of whom appear worse than hers – gives her perspective. It prevents her from focusing on her own sorrow and to count her blessings. “Volunteering helps walk us out from the darkness.”
Grateful for Each Day
Today, Karyn is in remission. She takes drugs to control the tumours in her brain. “I’m just grateful and thankful that I’m still here today,” she says.
Besides volunteering with L.I.G.H.T., she helps out as an SCS patient ambassador and with its annual Relay for Life fundraiser. She gushes about the “great and helpful” people she’s met along the way and the overall volunteer experience. “You feel you are being appreciated.”
There are tough moments of course. She lets on that a fellow volunteer – one of her L.I.G.H.T. group mates – passed away from cancer last year. “Of course it affects me,” she admits. But in times like this, she doubles down on “redirecting her focus” to avoid falling into sorrow. After all, cancer is a relentless game of mind over matter.
When asked about her best advice for cancer patients, she advocates the importance of self-love and self-care. And above all, she says: “You are not alone. Stay strong.”